Tainted
I am about to get totally real in an effort for healing to take place from poor decisions in my past that has left me very tainted when it comes to being involved in ministry. I have been hurt trying to do ministry for the last several years. Much of my hurt was due to my own actions and reactions to situations. I was volunteering with a youth group when the youth pastor left to pursue other ministry opportunities. I told myself “I was ready to take this youth ministry over, after all I do have a ministry degree.” They ended up going with another youth worker to take over the youth ministry (who has done an excellent job). I let Satan tell me all the reasons they did not choose me, like it is because I am overweight and not attractive and they were more worried about the right image than anything else. I tried to keep working with the youth at that church but I would not submit to my pride and ended up leaving that church. I took my family out of a church they loved and were growing in, to a similar a church across town. With my aspirations to still be a youth pastor I jumped in to volunteering with the youth at this new church, and established a great relationship with the youth leader there. That church decided to revamp their student ministries, cancel all student events and meetings for a couple of months rebrand and relaunch it, in an effort to build excitement. The youth leader they had at that time did not agree with the changes so she decided to leave. So me and my wife become the new volunteer youth leaders of the new youth group. I should have backed out from working with the youth at that time but I was worried about making MY dream come true of being a youth pastor. Every thing is going along good, then I go off with the staff and other church members to a conference. While we are at this conference my pastor starts introducing me to all his pastor friends and even introduced me from the stage as his youth pastor at his church. Not really sure the reasons he did this but it just gave me mixed signals about my role, as I felt I was stepping on people’s toes with every thing I tried to do. So we decided to go back to the church that my wife and family never wanted to leave in the first place. I have to get to the place that it is not about MY dream but God’s will for my life. I have to get to the point that I am ok with just being a great father, husband and friend.
